monday musings
I’ve been reflecting on my old blogging days (re: noteja.wordpress.com) with fondness and craving the same ability to get lost in sharing my thoughts with the world. I’m back at it again. Sharing. Learning. Growing. I’m going to write more in the coming year sans a writing goal. My only hope with writing is to continue to share where I am and what’s swirling around in this head of mine.
When I think about where I am in life it’s easy to fall back into The Great Comparison Game™️ – should I be back working in tech? Should I be living in a city with my peers. Should I be making more money? Should I be in love? Should I be… the list goes on and on. But I take a few steps out my door and look at the colors of the lake, take in a lungful of crisp Tahoe air, and sit with a cup coffee on our boat dock. This post is going to be a rambling of sorts…or maybe a love letter to Tahoe…who knows.
What I do know is two years ago I was deep in the pandemic-exacerbated-fresh-out-of-college-grind. I was living in San Francisco right next to the world famous Painted Ladies. I galavanted at a 6-foot-distance around the City, never allowing myself fully to find it’s comfort. It’s funny in hindsight because that social distancing made me love the City from afar. I never felt 100% at home. I always said I felt stuck. I don’t ever think I was actually stuck, I was trying to be a square piece in a round hole. I didn’t fit in. I was living with some incredible friends, I was able to get into road cycling, I explored coffee shops and breweries…what was missing? If I ever find out, I’ll let you know.
Fast forward two years and now I’m living and working full-time in Tahoe. In these two years, I’ve explored a good chunk of the American Southwest. Nevada, Utah, Colorado, New Mexico, and throw in Texas for the hell of it. I got to explore running, hiking, cycling, mountain biking, skiing. My repertoire of activities boomed. Mountains comfort me and weather excites me. 47º outside means I’m rocking with windows down and smile plastered to my face. I’m surrounded by folks who push me to dig deeper into self-love and acceptance. I’m learning to love what my body can do – I encourage it to do more and am forgiving when it might fall short. I’m learning to lean on myself for joy. I’m finding the comfort in solitude while rejoicing in the joy of creating memories with others. I am on the lifelong journey of defining and loving who I am.
When I think about why I’m so happy in Tahoe, a few things come to mind:
the radical access to any recreational activity…biking, skiing, climbing, running, hiking. You name the sport, I can do it (almost) right out my door. Also big news: I’m running my first marathon next July in no other than, San Francisco. Full circle huh? I’ll keep you posted on how training for that goes.
the weather. The seasons are refreshing and energizing. Summers are bright, shoulder seasons are quiet and reflective, and winter means snow (which often means a dank powder day).
the lifestyle (and by proxy my job). In my role, I can front load my computer work to do more work outside. I am slowly-but-surely figuring work-life balance, but once I get ironed out, whew, am I going to be a force to reckon with.
That is to say a number of things I need to figure out asap are:
where the young folk hang out. I’m in desperate need of more friends outside of work and would like to figure that out early next season.
dating. Need I say more?
Some things I miss about the ol’ City Life:
walking to friends, to coffee, to bars, to anything. To get to town it’s a 20/25 minute drive out – but it’s worth it for some perspective.
re: coffee. Cuppa Tahoe is my guiding light, but I miss the multitudes of high quality coffee within a 15 minute walk from my apartment.
re: friends. Choosing to live the atypical post-grad life is dually gratifying and scary. I miss the proximity to my graduating class. I miss random run-ins. But at the same time, I don’t. It’s a 75/25 toss up of not missing it to missing it. What I do miss is friendship.
the diversity. South Lake is homogenous - I look around and get bummed to see only white folks. I’ve shared this before, but it evokes the same feelings I felt throughout high school and college: never white enough for the white kids and never Filipinx enough for the Filipinx kids. In town I feel alone.
Right now, on this Monday night, I’m grateful. I’m grateful to have the space to reflect like this and to have the ability to choose growth. Things aren’t perfect, but they never will be. It’s okay to have bumps here and there, they make the ride a little more exciting.